I’m going start by saying that I have a confession. It’s one that many of you are probably guilty of as well, whether you’d like to admit it or not. My confession is that, despite my best judgement, I’ve wound up going on one too many dates with someone who really just sucked, all because the holidays were approaching and I needed to look like that cute Facebook ad popping up on my news feed with the couple holding hands, covered in big flakes of snow.
Well my friends, we’ve been through enough in 2020 – we’re going to draw the line. This holiday season, it’s time to take a deep breath and put your attention and focus on finding and attracting the right kind of dates, and truly enjoying those holiday (zoom) parties with someone who you actually want to spend extended amounts of time with. Dating doesn’t have to be nearly as hard as we make it, and we certainly don’t need to spend our precious time and energy by subjecting ourselves to horrendous dates. What we need is a no nonsense guide to getting the most out of dating as a single and getting a date that’s actually worth sharing those romantic, snowy walks through the park with.
Rule number 1: Don’t toss out online platforms.
We all laugh at tinder and bumble – I did, and do. I still laugh at bumble, despite the fact that I just celebrated my one year anniversary with the love of my life, who I met on bumble. But don’t be afraid to simply use it as a tool to see what other singles are out there, and not as a way to pre-date before dating.
Getting a date is the goal, not creating a pen-pal. If you’re interested in someone you come across, suggest a casual meet up fairly quickly. A walk, a coffee, whatever interests you. That way you get to find out if there’s any actual in person chemistry before spending weeks chatting only to learn that you hate the way their voice sounds and can hardly get through a dinner with one another. And while you’re using technology, don’t forget about real life. Go into bookstores, coffee shops, gyms (while keeping with respectful social distancing, of course!) and practice your in person flirting skills so they’re as on point as your witty text banter. Meeting singles doesn’t have to be hard if you’re frequenting new places!
Rule number 2: Realism.
No, it’s not just a style of art. It’s also a style of being. We all know this, but just in case I need so say it louder for the people in the back to hear: no one wants to date desperation. Don’t just read those words – believe them.
Confidence attracts confidence. I’m not suggesting that you sheath yourself in a cloak of arrogance and start telling each and every one of your tinder dates that you don’t care about a relationship and are too good for that. First, that just screams crazy… or easy hook up, and second, none of us are too good for anyone else. We’re all just people trying to get the most out of our life. On the flip side of that, stop talking to your first date about what your aunt will cook for Christmas and making it clear you’d love for them to be there. Instead of portraying the overly aggressive or overly desperate attitude, just take a deep breath and remove your expectations. Without expectations, you won’t feel desperation clawing at your back. You’re not expecting this single date to turn into a relationship. You’re not expecting it to go great or go poorly, All you’re doing is spending time getting to know another person.
By removing the character this date is already playing in your mental fantasy, you’ll remove the desperation and allow your authentic self to shine through.
Rule 3: Say Yes
Remember what we talked about earlier in terms of spending time on crappy dates? Well, as a way to negate that, this holiday season your last rule is to say yes. Say yes to new dates with people that you don’t know.
Say yes to the person who is maybe a different type than you usually go for. Say yes to the double date your friend wants to set you one — because if you don’t say yes, how will you meet the man or woman of your dreams? But remember, you aren’t out there desperate to find a relationship. All you’re doing is saying yes to new possibilities, getting a date, and refusing to waste your time on dead ends and unfit partners. We all deserve to be hopeless romantics, especially during the holidays. So go on those tinder dates, smile at the cute water when you’re grabbing lunch with your friends, and let yourself truly be the authentic you. That way, you just may end up meeting the holiday date you spend a lifetime with.